I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
