Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
