Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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