i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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