I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
