atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
