i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
