.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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