the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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