Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
