Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
