dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
