i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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