i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
