ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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