I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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