He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
