And the cops told us we were all naked.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize