well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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