So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize