Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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