I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize
