I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
