I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
