Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
