That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
