That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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