GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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