My room smells like vodka and shame
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
