It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
