Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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