You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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