i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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