matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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