I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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