haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Come on in and take your pants off
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
