I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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