in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish you could order shots online.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
