i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
