She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
