I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
