3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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