And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
