1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
