Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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