everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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