He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
