I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
