I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
