I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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