Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
