Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
