ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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