better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
