Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
whose parrot is this?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
