my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize