Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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