you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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