Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
