I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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