Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
