The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
