Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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