i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
